#5 Hysteria Girl + LAFW + Dita Von Vegas + More...

AUDIO VERSION:

     Once again took way too long to update but if only you lot knew what all has been going on in my life this summer season but I’m gonna catch you up from where I left off which was post-Madge. So after the Madonna concert me and my mom reconnected quite well but I never stay in Arizona for a long while when it's warm or else I get a little too suicidal due to my heat induced seasonal depression so I made plans to attend LA fashion week and do a photoshoot with my band Caviar Noir (new album Petrossian Gold out now!). So before I knew it the Vuitton luggage was packed for another Delta flight. I made plans to meet up with an old fling during my first night in LA and it was a nice entree back into LA and made me reminisce on the good ol days of being 19 and a virgin to the abuse that comes with residing in LA full time. After our rendezvous I walked around Beverly Hills smoking a cig replaying old memories in my mind but got snapped out of it by a fucking Kia Soul pulling besides me with the window rolled down and some plain ass man trying to pick me up and I simply said “not in a Kia Soul” and kept walking. Look I’m in a band called Caviar Noir, wear designer clothes, and moved to Beverly Hills first thing after high school CLEARLY I’m a tad of a classicist and I own it. Too many of you young hot things settle for less and I don’t and I wear that as a badge of honor. After I sufficiently worked through my melancholic memory cinema while walking Rodeo dr. I got my uber under the Christian Louboutin sign whilst in my Louboutin Nicol is Back’s which are my total signature shoe at this point. If you wanna be me for halloween all you need is the Nicol is Back, La Perla slip, vintage fur coat, tattered Chanel flap, & heirloom jewelry from a dead relative. 

Le Alois Formula (patent pending)

The next day I had to get up early for a photoshoot with my alt grunge band Caviar Noir, the other half of the band Lamb picked me up and we made our way to some shitty run down building it downtown LA which is the usual for studio spaces in LA. On the way we hit up Vons for some water and Diet Coke and next door was a cute lingerie store so we picked up some hosiery for the shoot of the album/single covers for the final issue of our debut album aptly titled Petrossian Gold. Before heading into the scary ass building housing the studio space, we met up with our photographer a friend of mine I talked about in blog post 1 who I nicknamed QiQi at the Blue Bottle coffee. Once it came time we headed up to the studio and started shooting and eventually Lamb’s friend Ryan arrived to be our assistant on the shoot. I could tell Lamb was bothered by the photographer and him not counting down before taking pics but I was kinda used to shutter photography with my limited modeling experience so it didn’t bother me all too much. However when things really went left was when at the very end of the photoshoot we decided to do a quick insta story Q&A and took a photo together with the question box sticker. While doing the Q&A Lamb scrolled down on the questions and I saw out of the corner of my eye a really messed up hate comment about him and he didn’t acknowledge it but I could tell it put him in a poor mood as it would anybody and the worst part is I knew who wrote it and they were one of my major stans with whom I had become somewhat close with which made it incredibly awkward. 

Post-photoshoot I said my good byes to QiQi and went to the car with Lamb & Ryan since we were going to a fashion show in Hollywood later that day. It was a very quiet car ride considering Lamb was unhappy about the offensive Q&A and photographer situation but after we got to Ryan’s apartment on Hollywood blvd things lightened up a bit with the help of a few alcoholic beverages. After drinking more than we should’ve me and Lamb changed into our fashion show looks and headed to the address. The show itself was forgettable quite honestly, after attending NYFW a few times LAFW pales in comparison. Only shows worth seeing are Gypsy Sport & An Only Child which also show in NYC so why bother seeing them a month later in LA. We still took some photos though and tried to enjoy ourselves but ended up heading out a bit early and went back to Ryan’s got some pizza and watched Uptown Girls which is my and my mom’s favorite Brittany Murphy movie and one of Lamb’s favorites as well. I think me and Lamb relate heavily to Dakota Fanning’s character since she kinda sums up how we were as children. We both matured fast due to the circumstance we were born into so it’s a cathartic film and always brings tears easily.

Next day we woke up hungover in Hollywood but headed to Beverly Hills to get brunch at one of my favorite places on earth: Ladurée. It was sooo lovely, I frequented that specific location so much at 19/20 and it sparked my obsession with Ladurée which I later learned is another similarity with Courtney Love that I have. Manifesting that I get Ladurée with her someday. After taking a few pics Lamb dropped me off and I was still kinda hungry so I walked to Subway and maybe I got too used to NYC but the walk was brutal and clearly so car centric. I hate cities that make pedestrians second class citizens and let cars run the road with little to no sidewalks. After eating my sandwich I checked my DM’s and a guy I had been talking to since last year but never met up with invited me to Vegas and I hadn’t been since my 21st B-day and not to mention he was a major audio software developer so I was game to go cuz why not. He got me a ticket and before I knew it I was meeting up with him at McCarran airport. He was actually staying at the hotel where I had my 21st which in my opinion is the best hotel on the strip with the only other coming close being Bellagio so it was a cute vibe. Later in the evening we got dinner at Hakkasan which was nice but I hate how so many restaurants blast music like… Am I supposed to not be able to hear my date so I like them more?

Waking up the next morning my weed pen was empty so I looked for the nearest weed store and once again navigated through a far too car centric city since the only dispos are off the strip and I didn’t exactly want to tell my new fling where exactly I was going since I’m not proud of my weed dependency (which I kicked while in Europe but that’ll be covered in a later blog post). Once I got to the dispensary it was CASH ONLY so I had to walk alllllll the way to Chase and back again and finally got my fix. After getting my weed I met back up with my date and walked the strip and we stopped by Christian Louboutin and I picked up a pair of black patent Me Dolly Loubs to go with my outfit for the Dita Von Teese show at the Horse Shoe. I’ve had an obsession with Dita ever since finding out about her during my Marilyn Manson obsession at 14 which has long since subsided for the most part but my Dita fascination never left and has only grown fonder. We got dinner at Mon Ami Gabi and afterwards headed to the Horse Shoe which is notable for it’s poker which the guy I was with… Let’s call him Mr.Florida loved to play often. I watched as he played since all I know is blackjack and roulette and he gave me a cute pink chip to keep as a souvenir which stays in my memory box. Once it came time for the show I got a glass of champagne and we headed in to see Dita Von Teese live. 

The show in a word was MAGICAL the costumes were exquisite and it took you to a bygone era of glamour contrasted with modern stage technology. Frankly I had never seen anything like it and it inspired me immensely, and throughout the show my eyes met with Dita’s over and over again. I don’t know why whenever I go to a show I always get a few looks from the performer but perhaps they see the star in me that has just been dying to be appreciated or maybe that’s just what I tell myself to sleep at night. First it was Britney then Madonna and now Dita and it almost assures me in a way that the inevitable is on the horizon. Anyways after the injection of glamour that was Dita’s Vegas residency we headed to a dual piano bar and listened to some music before retiring for the evening. I woke up the next morning very hungover but made my way through security and back to LA and went to a different hotel in Beverly Hills since my hotel prior was in an un-walk-able area. That’s what I get for cheaping out I guess…

    Once I laid my Louis down I walked the golden triangle then picked up a Mr.Chow to go order I made with my favorite food on the planet. I cannot stress this enough even if you don’t like duck at least try the gamblers duck at Mr.Chow with broccoli and white rice on the side. I made plans later that night to go to Heav3n since Violet was doing a DJ set and my friend Blakely agreed to go but then later in the day said he couldn’t end up making it so I asked Ryan to come along even though he’s just a mutual friend and more Lamb’s friend than mine but quite honestly Heav3n is in downtown LA and if you’re around that area at night as a girl alone in club attire that is a death/rape/robbery waiting to happen so I just needed a tall straight passing man to be beside me. He thankfully said yes and I started getting ready and once I finished my hair and makeup I checked my phone and he sent a message that he couldn’t make it which I found strange considering he seemed very down to go at first so I questioned why and after some prodding found out Lamb told him not to go… To say I felt betrayed was an understatement considering I would’ve asked Lamb but he was working the day of and next so going to the club with him was out of the equation and he knows how downtown LA is for the fem girls & gays when alone. On top of that he knew my situation with my ex best friend Riley dipping out of my life to move to Nashville with her boyfriend and my grandma and great grandma’s passing so I just needed a happy moment at the club to forget for a night but instead he chose to tell our mutual friend not to attend with me. I fell into a pit of self loathing and loneliness and pondered taking my own life that evening which I know sounds silly over missing one club night but it was the straw that broke the Camel that was me in that moment.(also don't hold this against Ryan as he has now apologized for not going and I met Violet in Paris later) 

saw this on twitter right after my suicidal episode

After crying myself to sleep over my lonesome life I woke up the next day postmated Ladurée and packed my things and headed to LAX and flew back to Arizona and the icing on top of the shit show cake, Mr.Florida cancelled our plans to meet up again in Palm Beach due to him going back to his ex-girlfriend. Safe to say I drank a lot of prosecco on the plane ride home. Once I got back to my grandparents (dad side) home in AZ I opened the packages my grandpa put on my bed and one of them contained a copy of Hysteria magazine which was strange since I hadn’t ordered it only attended their party on Valentines day and answered a few questions but after opening it up there I was in a magazine multiple times and with a full article too. It raised my spirits immensely after so much turmoil and felt rewarding, it’s one of those things I can show my grandkids someday and be proud of. I didn’t end up holding the thing with Lamb against him since he said hanging out with one of his friends without him there crosses a boundary and that I should respect that which I partially agreed with and after decompressing realized it wasn’t enough to ruin our friendship over y’know. So after getting home we got back to recording and moved on, which I’m pretty good at doing. I am an awful grudge holder I can never sustain them and always play devils advocate which I think comes from my relationship with my mom and how many times I had to forgive her for heinous things to maintain a relationship. I think it’s a good quality to have but it also is a double edged sword in some ways.

As I said previous I never stay in AZ long so after finishing the recording of Petrossian Gold I made plans to visit Mr.Sunglasses and go back to NYC which at this point is my favorite American city and also he always calms my nerves which I more than needed at that point. Who better to talk you off a ledge than a poet? So I’m gonna leave it off here and pickup during that excursion since that is a whole other story…

XOXOXOXOX

         Alois Tyler Rollins IV

P.S. this post's attached demo is a country song called "Girls in the Magazine" I recorded that speaks on how most people in magazines that the kids look up to are broke and struggling behind the scenes which isn't really talked about enough in my opinion 

#4: NYC Love + Madonna Fixes my Family + Even more...

     (AUDIO COMING EVENTUALLY)

    First of all yes, I know this post is so late it's practically prehistoric but if punctuality was my thing I'd be a meter maid not a pseudo rockstar/socialite/model with a propensity for second hand designer clothing and THC... but I promise next post will come wayyy quicker. Also let's be real this blog isn't exactly taking off like wild fire so who am I trying to impress by being timely, this is pretty much just my virtual diary at this point and instead of being kept in my notes app on my iPhone 13 mini (apple plz make another mini iPhone so I can upgrade) it's available for the internet and forever cemented online which I love. I have lost so many memories by failed phone backups or running out of space and panic deleting. So this is the best option to turn towards, and if someone enjoys reading it then hey... Two birds one blog stone. I literally have maybe 12 photos from me age 8-14 because I had a different iCloud and forgot the password and could never get it recovered and ever since then I try to store my photos in multiple places and mediums just in case. 

I HAVE A HELLO KITTY HIGHSCHOOL SCRAPBOOK & IT'S MY EVERYTHING

    Now where did I leave off? Oh yeah Mr.Sunglasses from Susanne Bartsch's Soho Grand party. He walked me home after the party and while we were walking back to my hotel he asks if he can take me out to a good greek restaurant nearby tomorrow at 7 and I jumped on it because why not. He was courteous, well educated, generous, attractive, and totally my type. The next day I woke up hungover but pulled myself together enough to get ready for dinner with him. I threw on my black La Perla slip, Chanel satin clutch, & mahogany mink and met him on the steps outside my place and we walked a few streets over till we made it to the small restaurant. We actually ended up having a very similar taste in food which isn't shocking since it seemed so far we had the same taste in just about everything. We got octopus, greek salad, & turbot and it was heaven. NYC has the best restaurants in America and this one held up that reputation. I will say though Mexican food in NYC is always... Lack lustre.

    Once we finished our gorge meal and drinks he ran into a friend and we said hello for a bit before heading back to his nearby apartment to listen to some music and look at his books we were discussing over dinner. When we got back to his apartment he popped open a bottle of Moet and we started flipping through different fashion photography books while listening to John Giorno poetry and talking intermittently and it was heaven on earth. I finally felt like I found a guy who intellectually stimulated me, he knew the right people, read the right books, and saw the right movies. He taught me so many things in that night alone that opened my mind, which I guess isn't shocking because if you knew Vivienne Westwood & Candy Darling you must have a little something going on upstairs. I obviously ended up staying the night because it was a picture perfect date that I didn't want to end and the next morning he walked me back to my hotel after making coffee and talking for a few hours as well as giving me a book of his poetry and two original boudoir photographs he shot in the 90s. 

"medals and gold for the decadent bitches" - Mr.Sunglasses

    After getting back to my hotel room I worked on my blog for a bit but then soon started texting Mr.Sunglasses and we planned a date for the next day at a French restaurant nearby. I really couldn't think about much other than the date and was excited to see what was to come. Once the time of said date arrived I stepped out of my hotel and into his arms and we walked through the cold city night to the French restaurant. We got escargot as an appetizer and I've had it before and it was okay but this place's escargot hit different but it was also practically drowned in butter which makes everything better. He ordered rabbit and I got Coq au Vin and once again had a beautiful intimate dinner talking about art, life stories, and future endeavors. Just when you thought the night couldn't get any better we go back to his apartment spark up a joint, drink some champagne, and watch the new episode of Ryan Murphy's Feud. Waking up the next morning I felt kinda sick and so did Mr.Sunglasses, I don't know if perhaps the snails were off but we both felt not so great and especially him so unfortunately he couldn't walk me home and I just wanted to get home so I wasn't blowing up his bathroom with whatever kind of trench warfare was going on in my intestines.

    As I approached my hotel right before ascending the steps to the lobby a platinum blonde with hair tucked into a silk scarf with red lipstick, blue jeans, green t-shirt, and grocery tote descends from my hotel and it is none other than Amanda Lepore on her way to pickup some groceries. It was such a humanizing out of the blue moment, I only ever knew Amanda drenched in Swarovski like when I ran into her the first time but seeing her in casual attire walking with her reusable tote was so cool. It really puts into perspective how real some of these gay icons we worship are, for so long I lived in a fiscally deluded world of postmating everything from the hottest restaurants and not being caught dead at a grocery store when in all actuality the people I admire most don't even do things like that. Living in Beverly Hills and We-Ho made me pick up a few financially irresponsible habits but I'm trying to work on it and I think the universe showed me Amanda in that moment for a reason. We're all just real people at the end of the day not lightning rods of chicness 24/7.

    Once I was done reading way too deep into Amanda Lepore literally just getting groceries I touched up my walk of shame makeup and made my way over to the Chanel Beauty Atelier to meetup with my friend Daecian for the fragrance experience. So the fragrance experience is basically blindly experiencing the whole Chanel fragrance range so you're not picking on pre conceived likes, gender marketing, or any other reason other than just the scent. I really loved the experience and not just because of the champagne (actually the champagne was awful tbh) it was great because it opened my eyes to what I truly like aromatically. I always have loved stronger vintage musky perfumes so unsurprisingly on a first go around I picked some of my favorites like No. 19 and No. 5 but after weeding through and picking 3 options I knew I had never tried but absolutely adored I found out 2 of the 3 were masculine fragrances with the outlier being a les exclusifs. I occasionally wear some male marketed fragrances (Gucci Guilty, Margiela Jazz Club, etc.) but now I kinda wanna delve into that realm even more. Daecian ended up picking the most expensive perfumes without even knowing so his taste kinda ate me up.

MY 3 CHANEL ATELIER FRAGRANCE EXPERIENCE PICKS

1. Allure Sport eau Extreme (shocked me)

2. Platinum Egoiste (might actually get a bottle for layering)

3. Boi Des Iiles (expected)  

    After a few hours at the beauty atelier Daecian had to head to work so we parted ways and I walked to the nearby Ladureé. While I was chowing down on my caesar salad, ispahan, & champagne I got a message from my friend Max who I had met at an art gallery opening on the upper east side where his families collection of Hans Bellmer works were on display and he later gave me the tour of their private collection in their UES home which unfortunately was in a massive fire only a few weeks after I had seen it. He messaged me regarding some relationship issues and asked if I wanted to hangout and not only do I enjoy Max's company but life had been beating him down lately and I always try to help how I can y'know. So once he made it to Ladureé we talked over coffee and then headed to the temporary place the insurance was paying for while his families UES place was getting repaired. 

    While on the way we stopped and watched the sun set on the Hudson and it was one of those time capsule moments you wish you could just relive. The beautiful colors of the sky and the reflection of the sky scrapers on the near black disease ridden water it was that glamour grit I am always inevitably chasing personified in a perfect NYC sunset. After the colors of the sky had faded we walked into the long stay hotel the insurance set him and his family up at and he made me a few cocktails while we talked about life, upcoming art exhibitions, and the eternal pursuit of love and the inevitable disappointment we both seem to face over and over. It's the same reason I wrote the song "Same Story Different Man" even though the exterior might differ and maybe even a different personality but the story always ends the same. 

    Once we had each complained enough for our satisfaction (I love to complain and love friends who like to complain as well) I got a phone call from Daecian telling me he was off work so I said my goodbye's to Max who didn't feel much like going out drinking since he was still somewhat in his feels. While speed walking to my hotel I stopped by my favorite hot dog cart in union square and met up with Daecian and headed to the Hotel Chelsea for a final drink in NYC before I headed home. We had a nice time except for the bitchy waiter and it's funny how the universe works because on our way out Daecian accidentally knocked over a glass and while embarrassing we weren't the ones having to pick up the pieces, it was the bitchy waiter and boy was the satisfaction of seeing his pompous self have to kneel down and pickup shards of glass in his tacky fat tie clad suit absolutely exhilarating. I don't believe in karma but sometimes the universe just gives me satisfaction in between the constant wrenches it throws in my plans. 

    Daecian and I said our goodbyes and I booked it back to my hotel to pack and somehow managed to make it on my 5am flight on time. I slept the entire way home due to drinking 4 glasses of champagne at the Chanel atelier, a glass of champagne at Ladureé, 3 strong cocktails at Max's, & a glass of red wine at the Hotel Chelsea. I'm not even that big of a drinker either so it was hitting me but thankfully not enough for me to miss my flight. When I landed and grabbed my bags and managed to get in my Uber I got a phone call from the Beverly Hills courts and thankfully the sentence was upheld for the robber who assaulted and attempted to mug me and his appeal was dismissed so I didn't have to appear in court and dredge up that drama. I still remember the first time I saw the photos they had taken of my injuries a few months after the incident and it made me spiral again into my agoraphobia. I couldn't imagine having to sit on the stand across from that man, have to look at those photos of my injuries in front of an entire court room, and tell my story in grueling detail including what happened afterwards with the security camera footage being used as an advertisement for a lawyers office without my permission. That whole situation start to finish makes me sick to my stomach and scared of the world, when I was getting my flesh torn into by a stranger no one helped me and I just remember seeing cars pass by and people standing watching but not even doing a thing. It really made me lose so much faith in the help of my fellow man...

    I was in a good mood after knowing I wouldn't have to relive my trauma in the court of Beverly Hills so after unpacking me, my grandpa, and great step ex uncle Bryce went out for Red Lobster which always reminds me of my childhood and good memories. When I was in elementary school my grandma was the principal of the school I went to and her lunch break aligned with the lunch of students so once a week she'd pull me out of lunch and we'd get Red Lobster and race back in time to get me into class after lunch and also her last birthday we celebrated before her passing was there. While I was in NYC I walked countless times past the Red Lobster in Times Square and couldn't help but relive those memories so I knew once I was back in Arizona that was where I wanted to go. After an amazing meal filled with nostalgia we went back home and I got a text from a consignment store I've been selling clothes with since highschool and they notify me that if I don't pickup my Moschino couture skirt it will be donated to Dress for Success since it hasn't sold and look I'm all for charity but this skirt is bright red with two oversized black lacquer buttons the size of paper plates. Unless this disenfranchised woman is dressing for an interview to be the next Minnie Mouse there's no use for the skirt at that charity and also it's an amazing piece I can't just let go of for free. So I arranged to have the skirt and a Fendi baguette that hadn't sold be shipped to the Scottsdale location for me to pickup.

    Waking up the next day the world seemed dull, I had been trying to quit smoking weed but I could just tell I needed it. I felt like there was nothing worth living for and got way to cerebral and in the deepest depths of my head which is never a great place to go. So I walked to the local dispo which sounds simple but in Phoenix walking is like a death sentence in such a car centric city. After finally making it to the dispensary I found out it was cash only... So I had to walk all the way to the bank then the dispo then home and was exhausted and annoyed with myself that I utilized that much energy towards something I had been trying to quit. However I've kinda at this point come to the conclusion that weed to me is my holistic anti-depressant. I have a healthy fear of pills and especially side effects so I've never been one who's quick to hop on the Zoloft bandwagon and weed for me does the same exact thing without any drastic side effects. I'm not saying weed is gonna be a forever thing for me but I just know for where I am at mentally at the moment it's just something I need to keep going and am comfortable with that. I only fear of a time where I'll be traveling somewhere where weed is illegal and hard to come by as I'd love to see many places where it isn't allowed so I gotta figure something out eventually... maybe therapy.

    After taking a hit of the weed, drying my tears, and working on some music with Lamb I was back in my regular spirit and agreed to hangout with my friend Stormy on Tuesday and take some pictures and get tacos with her and Lilli (member of the band Slouch Pit). Once it came time we all met up and went with Stormy to her place as she got ready, once we were all glam we got our taco's at Filibertos (best Mexican drive thru ever and only in AZ) and then afterwards took some photos nearby my neighborhood in evening gowns. I rewore the dress I got for the Homeless Not Toothless Gala which was shown on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since I hadn't worn it since that night and I surprisingly loved the pictures. 

    I got a text from my mom asking if I still wanted to go see Madonna with her, we hadn't been speaking since our huge argument covered in blog post #1 which led to me icing out her whole side of the family for awhile. I looked at the text for a minute and just had to be the bigger person and know that although I wasn't going to get an apology I desired it just isn't worth holding a grudge over. So I replied back yes and that I already had finished making her the jacket from the iconic Madonna film "Desperately Seeking Susan" for her to wear to the concert. I always knew that Madonna concert was going to bring me and my mom back together, if there is one thing we both will always agree on it is that Madonna is everything. A few hours later I got a call from my mom asking if I could help her find a good long term care facility for my great aunt who's getting out of the hospital and she knows I know nothing about longterm care facilities but I could tell she really just didn't want to tour these places alone. It's morbid having to pick an old folks home for someone so integral in your life who is getting closer to eventually passing on. When my mom had her issues with substance abuse and her parents kicked her out it was always my great aunt that helped her pickup the pieces but now my mom was having to pickup the pieces for my great aunt as the circle of life only keeps turning. I of course said yes and went with her to tour a few places and then afterwards got us lunch at Wildflower. My mom's side of the family is always easy to reconnect with because once we recollect we just act as if the fight never happened and move on which while probably not being the best way is at least a way that works well enough.

    Lately I have been super into SpaceHey that myspace dupe that popped up during COVID but I never really used it until I saw a few people mentioning Caviar Noir on there and it kinda makes sense. People who listen to my music are the exact type to love SpaceHey so it's kind of a perfect storm. It also gives another place to read my blog posts and a more public place for them to live. Once I was done coding the most gorgeous profile based off my Getty Images kiss print dress picture which unfortunately got taken down from the site (like literally every photo on Getty from that fashion show is gone) I started laying out my Madonna look for the next day.

ADD ME ON SPACEHEY

    The day had finally arrived, an injection of MDNA through the audio visual presentation that is the Celebration tour presented by the icon of all icons Madonna. Growing up I didn't go to church every Sunday but best believe every morning my mom pulled out one of her many Madonna CD's and I'd wake up to her getting ready for the day to the sound of Madge. When I was younger I always appreciated Madonna but I don't think it was until I was an adult I realized just how layered of an artist she is and how much she inspires every aspect of my life unlike any other. It had been over a year since my mom and I had secured these Iconic VIP tickets and today it would come to fruition. I got ready and used some Venus D Lite techniques in my makeup to try to give more Madonna in the face and afterwards snatched my hair into that (do I dare say it again) ICONIC high ponytail and slipped on my what Katie did bullet bra and garter belt on top of my black silk Chanel suit from Spring 2002 and to top it off the Chanel beauty charm I got in January clasped on a gold monocle necklace I got at Joann's while getting fabric for my mom's jacket. 

    Later My mom picked me up and we headed to downtown Phoenix and on the way grabbed some coffee, because if you know Madonna you know she is gonna start late late. Once we had found parking and walked into the arena we got our passes, vip gift bags, and headed to the pre-sale merchandise since we got first pick with our ticket. Unfortunately the motherfucker tank top from Drowned World was out of stock so I went with the Jean Paul Gaultier x Madonna x Malawi cone bra t-shirt and absolutely love it and the profits go for a good cause so hey win win. Afterwards we made our way up to the VIP lounge and got some drinks, food, and candy and socialized a bit in between taking pictures. Eventually it was time to make our way down to the pit for the concert and since we had Danceteria wrist bands we were legit FRONT ROW it was perfection.

    The show starts with Bob the Drag Queen (anyone who knows me knows I am a drag race super fan so I was already up fr) and he takes on the Vogue announcer role and did an amazing job and had multiple appearances throughout the show but when Madonna walked on stage the vibe was immaculate no pun intended. She almost immediately walked right over to my section and did Burning Up on the guitar and looked me in the eyes twice and then took her water and doused our section. It was so strange when I had those few moments throughout the show where I felt that connection of her eyes meeting mine it was that same feeling I get when I meet someone who is like a mirror of myself in an aspect. That same hunger for glamour but dichotomized by an internal sorrow that you can always just feel. Maybe I'm reading to deep into it but I got a similar feeling when Britney Spears looked me in the eyes when I was 13 but with Madonna it was even stronger.

    Celebration is supposed to take you through every iteration of her career and it did but I will say it was incredibly Erotica heavy which I didn't mind since as per late that album and specifically Bad Girl have been on repeat so when she crawled on top of that piano and sang Bad Girl I couldn't help but cry. That song speaks to me and while I was in NYC I played it on repeat (probably much to the chagrin of my neighbors) I'd love to cover that song eventually but a certain artist who I'm trying to distance myself from due to their toxic fan base also covered it and I just don't want to get into that mess all over again after finally getting out and carving my own lane with "I'm Yours" and Caviar Noir in general.

    Madonna ended the show with "Take a Bow" one of her most beautiful songs and her lower register on this tour is spectacular. She did a lot of songs down the octave but I love when Madonna hits deep notes so I didn't mind especially since she was clearly singing live every song except for "Miles Away" which was very obviously pitched up compared to her live voice and also her son was on stage allegedly playing the guitar but the benefits of front row is you also clock the stunts like how her son was air strumming an inch away from the actual chords... I also noticed she was really nervous stepping down from the piano after "Bad Girl" since the small black steps blended with the stage and piano but she played it off well. I love seeing those little moments that are so few and far between in her perfect illusion (not me making a Lady Gaga pun about Madonna). Overall the concert was everything I had hoped it would be and more and it brought me and my mom back together in a way nothing I think could have so I just gotta say thank you Madonna.

    Once again sorry for such a late post but you get what you get and you don't throw a fit, I think Benito Mussolini said that... It was him or my 5th grade teacher that we all called Mrs.Spoonfucker either way both bitches were on a major power trip. From finding love in NYC to Madonna saving my relationship with my mother I guess this month was just another chaotic one like many others and many more to come. If you are a religious reader of the blog thank you, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I know there's at least a few fabulous yet flawed individuals out there like myself who really get me and appreciate the window into my world. Just like Madonna stepping off that piano not everything I do is seamless but I think it's that same vulnerability that separates what I do from so many others, but who knows maybe I just drank the Kool-Aid. Next post should be super soon since I just finished LAFW and have some downtime.

ttyl xoxo,

    Alois Tyler Rollins IV  

(P.S. This posts attached demo is a rough draft for a song called "Sleep the Week Away" which captures how I've felt a lot throughout my life, when times get tough I just sleep and try to hibernate until things are good again but more often than not just ends up causing even more issues)

#3: NYFW + D-Day on V-Day + Love in Bartschland + Sooo Much More

     AUDIO VERSION: https://soundcloud.com/aloistylerrollinsiv/blogpost3

    Oh fashion week, how I do love you... Although I may not be invited to much (as of now) it's always a pleasure when you check your email and see a few invitations. So those emails alongside the Piarist Ball are why I chose to stay in NYC for a month and a half and although everything doesn't always go according to plan or maybe quite as glamorous as I imagine I always return home happy I was there. Unfortunately I didn't walk for anyone this season but I also didn't exactly go to castings or really push so kinda on me but to be honest I never have enjoyed modeling all too much. Every time I have ended up on a runway it's just been pure coincidence and right place at the right time and I kinda like it that way it feels more organic but still props to all the models shivering in the casting lines wrapping around the buildings during NYFW. 

    I got invited to help shoot some content for Sassoon NYC so I woke up earlier than my usual, threw on some makeup, and got an Uber but unfortunately Uber is so slow to places moving locations so it took me 6 blocks lower than where I actually needed to be so after speed walking through mid-town I made my way to the salon. I got my hair washed and blown out and we took photos and videos and it was a nice time. Afterwards I went down to Soho and on the way found the best hot dog cart in NYC in my opinion. He's across the street from Union Square and his onions aren't canned and he grills the onions, bun, & dog and his mustard isn't like plain ass yellow mustard it's somewhat artisanal almost and only 1.99! 

(3.29 if you also get a Diet Coke like moi)

    After my gorge hot dog I made my way to The Real Real in Soho and was looking for a cute clubby slinky mini dress for fashion week or an afterparty. I tried on 3 picks I thought were cute look one: Proenza Schouler tight blue cut out moment but it was too baggy on top, look two: Bottega Veneta chocolate patent leather mini dress that I couldn't even get past my ass since it was a 34 with no stretch and I'm underweight but not THAT underweight, and finally look three: a mini silk python print Blumarine dress new with tags and it was perfection. I knew as soon as I put it on it was perfect, the beige colors worked well with my hair and it fit like it was meant to be. I checked out and although it had a TRR tag at $255 and a retail Blumarine tag at $1595 it got marked down to $34! It's the perfect indie sleaze party girl dress and after heading out I was just oozing happiness at my newfound deal of a dress and got stopped by 2 street photographers chronicling NYC NYFW street style. 

ALOIS TIP: NEVER PAY RETAIL

    I wasn't really even wearing anything too shocking just a mahogany 60s mink coat, black silk mini slip dress, black stockings, sandy pink Balenciaga city with an Hermès scarf tied to it and black Louboutins but my hair looked great and I was in a good mood and I think that energy brings people in. I popped into Chanel and nothing really caught my eye to be honest. I just wasn't the biggest fan of what they had in that location but at the Bloomingdales on 59th their stock goes crazy. I grabbed some coffee and took the 6 back to my hotel and got ready for a fashion show I was invited to in Hell's Kitchen. I decided to wear the Blumarine dress since I was still feeling like I found a treasure so I did and made my way uptown. 

    While waiting for the fashion show to start I was at the Dunkin nearby and was drinking my latte by the window and through the glass I saw 3 beautiful brunette women staring at me, later I'd run into them at the fashion show and be approached with a management offer and I'm still thinking it over since they're more Florida based and I've barely ever been there to be honest. There was no coat check and I was front row so I took up a seat with my fur and made my way to the bar to get some champagne. I got photographed a few times, met some interesting people, and overall had a nice time but it was kinda obvious the show was for the straight male gaze but it def could've been worse. My biggest qualm is model's wearing ugly blocky Windsor middle school dance shoes, that's why you always need a gay man on the team to say no baby that shoe is revolting like it's fine if your shoe is cheap but it shouldn't LOOK cheap. 

    Afterwards I went to the after party and it was a cute tavern-esque venue. I met a cute guy from Denmark and we talked and after awhile headed out to get Pizza and his English was pretty good and we got along well and he was easy on the eyes. I got a slice of pepperoni and a Diet Coke and we walked back to the club. After seeing everyone I know start to head out I did the same on the walk home I got a hot dog from the same cart in union square and it was the perfect drunk end of night snack after a long day of walking. The next day I was supposed to see Mr.Denmark but was running so behind on my blog and you can't be late on your SECOND post. So I missed my date with a hot Euro guy at the MET and stayed in my Hotel writing. 

    Today was the day I was anticipating the most during fashion week, Richie Rich's show for his label Richerette so I got ready in a look I had made awhile ago but never got photographed in. I thrifted a silk Nicole Miller mini dress right before my trip to Aspen and I wore it at the St.Regis there but I felt it was kinda boring. So after having it sit in my closet for awhile, one night I pulled out all my old lipsticks I barely use and started applying them kissing the dress and just repeating that. It was fun trying them on and stamping my lips where it looked right and on that dress is MAC Viva Glam 1, Chanel Pirate, MAC x Heatherette, & so many other cool lipsticks. On the back I wanted to write a message so in MAC Viva Glam 1 I wrote "KISS MY ASS" which is kinda fun on a dress covered in lipstick print. I had a pair of nude/gold Louboutins I barely wear and they matched the dress so I added lipstick marks on them.

    I was supposed to go with Jason Chaos like last season but he got sick so his music friend who I know through social media came in his place. He was cool but kinda annoyed we didn't get to walk in the show which is understandable since it was so last minute. While he was on the phone trying to reach Richie (he is so bad at picking up calls and responding) I went on the red carpet and got photographed and little did I know it'd be my first picture on Getty images, which is super cool and has always been a bit of a dream. I think having such a striking look and putting time into wearing hair extensions the effort was noticed and rewarded. I got photographed wayyy more times but don't know where those photos got posted especially at the end of the show there was like 6 photographers shooting at once it was a vibe. 

    Near the end of the fashion show I met a Russian man and his gorgeous wife and their photographer who took a liking to my look. They invited me with them to the after party and I jumped on it and once there ran into a few people I knew but then met a cute blonde tall fit conventionally hot guy who I assumed was gay due to the crop top but turns out he was straight and we shared a cigarette and talked outside the club by this point my feet were killing me so I took them off while we smoked until the fucking Hyatt staff started bringing the furniture inside so people wouldn't sleep on them, so after painfully putting my shoes back on he invites me to his place and I was drunk and bored and said yeah and he said it was "nearby" it was NOT but on the way we got Pizza to go since we were allegedly so close. After a dozen and a half blocks we finally make it to Times Square and my feet are DEAD so he picks me up and carries me for awhile and then we ate the pizza in the middle of Times Square. I took off my shoes and BLOOD WAS GUSHING OUT OF MY BIG TOE. My Louboutins literally made me bleed, never wearing again except for photoshoot vibes. 

    Once we finished eating our pizza and the blood in my toe clotted we made our way to his place but before going in went to a musical theatre bar underneath his apartment. We got some drinks named after Barbara Streisand films and listened to the musical stylings of people who's musical theatre degree from NYU that they probably paid too much for was on full display. It was funny though this guy is straight but is wearing a crop top and took me to a bar where the most popular drink is the "Funny Girl" it was very progressive of him I will say that. His friends met up with us and they were all models and pretty interesting so we got along well. Most were from Bostonish area and they were all in an airbnb above the bar. I ended up heading up there to smoke some weed and fall asleep because I did not feel like walking back to my hotel with my bloody foot.

    I woke up the next day put on my bloody Louboutins and got a cab back to my hotel. My feet really did hurt so I kinda vegetated in my room and missed 2 important days of fashion week but I literally could not put my foot in a heel and I will not be photographed in flats. My friend Daecian hit me up and asked if I wanted to go to a Club Eat vinyl dj set at Studio 151 and although my feet still kinda hurt I was down. I met Ren G. from Club Eat and Miss Madeleine through Daecian and they're both really kind and I respect what they do artistically. Me and Daecian met up in Hell's Kitchen as I was in the area trying to find cute lingerie for the Hysteria magazine party on Valentines day but to no success as the only good lingerie store that carried cool stuff that wasn't just tacky leg avenue was a small studio in a huge building and while google claimed it was open it was really only appointment only.

    For dinner we went to the steakhouse Daecian works at and it was really good, I love any place with oysters and Caesar salad. Afterwards we went to my hotel to charge our phones and talk over Diet Coke before Studio 151. We ended up heading out a bit too early and even after stopping to get coffee we were like an hour early to the Club Eat set. So we ordered some sushi and edamame and attempted to take pics until told flash photos aren't allowed... but then later in the night tons were taking flash pics and no one said shit. I hate bitchy old Myrtle Snow looking managers who have a superiority complex. A bit before the show Ren shows up and we all talk and catchup and apparently the vibe of music was all freestyle and I was skeptical but she pulled out the good stuff.

WHEN THE DJ PLAYS LISA LISA, MADONNA, ETC. I'M UP

    I love freestyle music so even though I had a recently injured foot I danced the night away, unfortunately due to it being near Valentines Day most people out were couples so no drinks were bought for me ;( but thankfully Ren gave me & Daecian drink tickets and I got a vodka redbull since I was kinda tired and later that night shelled out $20 for a half ass cosmo in a plastic glass... At around 2:30 me and Daecian headed out and walked back to my hotel so he could grab some stuff he left in my room then headed back home.

    The next morning I woke up alone on Valentine's Day and I know it's kinda my own fault since I'm so lazy when it comes to pursuing romance but it's still not exactly a fun place to reside on a day built around love. I get a phone call from Beverly Hills a few minutes after waking up and I was kinda hoping it was my ex but instead it was the Beverly Hills courts calling me asking if I received my notice to appear in court regarding the mugging/assault that took place in October of 2022 on Beverly Dr. near the Beverly Hills Hotel. I was shocked because they told me he got 5 years over the phone about 6 months ago but I don't know if he got a lawyer and fought for an appeal but unfortunately if it moves to a higher court I have to speak on the stand.

    After a few hours I started getting ready for the Hysteria magazine party and got a few texts from my mom's side of the family which I haven't talked to since the incident in blog post 1 but no text from my mom herself. Once I got ready I made my way to Old Flings a tiny upstairs club and I wasn't expecting that many people to be there honestly but it was PACKED and only got worse as it got later. There was no coat check so my fur was supposed to just go in a pile on the floor and the music was meh and there was no room to dance. I said hello to the few people I knew and got photographed a bit. I ran into Mr.Denmark but he was just sippin a beer and didn't offer to buy me a drink so I made my way to the tables with bottles and made friends with a latin fashion designer guy and got some tequila but overall I just couldn't get into the vibe so me and the fashion designer party hopped to a hotel party but as soon as I heard "think you the shit bitch... you not even the fart" it wasn't my kind of party and I also just think I wasn't in a good mood so I headed home before it even hit midnight.

    When I got back home before taking my makeup off I cried, I felt alone which usually I don't mind but on a day revolving around couples and love it puts a mirror to how unordinary my life is. Can I even maintain a long-term relationship? I travel constantly and bore easily, should I just settle or be content? A lot of questions were going on in my mind that I hadn't really found a true confident answer I can stand behind. I wanted to text an ex or two but when I really thought about it I don't think I've ever truly loved any man I've dated, which is a sad but true sentiment I can stand behind whole heartedly. 

    The next day I got back on the apps and started getting ready for a date with an accountant at Mr.Chow, I think I just needed validation I was still desirable after a lack luster Valentines Day. He was boring and clearly just wanted to get to the part where we hook up which eventually happened and it was meh. I need romance to make it a vibe and even my good playlist just couldn't get me fully entranced so at around 11:30 I headed back to my hotel and I check my phone in the elevator and my grandpa sent a text that my great grandmother passed away. Two of the most important women in my life are gone my great grandmother and my grandmother, I felt so broken. While I was off having some rebound liaison in NYC my great grandma who I saw every Sunday when she'd bring over a pie and visit passed away. I wish I would've been in town and I'm unfortunately missing the funeral too.

    I got thrown into a bit of a depression after my great grandma passing, sour valentines day, & missing a lot of fashion week due to my bloody toe and just hibernated and slept which is always what I do when I just want to escape real life. When I was awake I ended up watching some old Lynn Wyatt & Dale Mercer interviews they always remind me of my great grandma. She was a classy southern belle who was a frequent Neiman Marcus shopper but still had a somewhat scandalous side getting pregnant early and moving to AZ after becoming the black sheep. She was always supportive in whatever I did and however I looked. Even in the retirement home she still loved her rosé and always made sure my grandpa kept it stocked.

    Nothing could've gotten me out of bed, I overslept multiple fashion shows but just couldn't fake like my life was fine. I postmated a latte and a cannoli and went downstairs to meet my delivery person and while I was down there a white car pulls up and out pops Amanda Lepore with her huge white blonde hair, tiny waist, and Louboutins she walked past me and went up the stairs into the Hotel I had been residing in which I later found out she lives in. It was a total mood booster I realized where I was again and made plans to make sure to be at Susanne Bartsch's party at the Soho Grand. 

    In the morning I went to 59th st. and made my way to Bloomingdales to pickup a white La Perla slip to wear to Susanne's party which was hooker themed with the name "Working Girls" so a slip made sense and would match white satin Louboutins. After looking through all 9 floors my friend Daecian met up with me and we looked around then went to Balenciaga looked at the new bag that's dropping and I tried on a few things that peaked interest but were all synthetic fibre... After removing the plastic 10k outfit we walked to Bergdorf's and you always gotta checkout Schiaparelli. Later that day me and Lamb recorded some demos for Caviar Noir. I always pack my blue yeti just in case I get inspired and want to record a rough demo.

    The day came of the party at the Soho Grand after getting ready which entailed putting a strand of pearls in my up-do I got a car to the party since it had been rainy. I made my way there and saw a line but everyone in the line was drab looking so I walked up to the bouncer with my ID and got in immediately. I love Susanne's parties because looking good is always rewarded as it should be at every club. As I made my way in I stopped in the hallway to touch up my lipstick and Susanne and her whole team walks in and she looks gorgeous as always. I met a cute guy who told me which way to go for the party, after checking my coat I made my way up stairs. 

    Icons were out that night, it's always fun getting your outfit complimented by Linux and having Amanda Lepore sign your Louboutins. I kept seeing a 1980s Karl Lagerfeld looking guy with sunglasses on in the club looking at me. He was suave in his suit and we hit it off over a glass of champagne and then watched Amanda perform a song about champagne it was such a meant to be kind of moment. Once the performance was over we went back for a second glass and halfway through sipping I run into the guy who pointed me where to go accompanied by some young Britney Spears looking girl with a crossroads vibe. It starts out good he introduces me to the girl I introduce him to my sunglasses guy but I don't know who said what but I think sunglasses guy offended him and he started saying "I promote this party I know Susanne I'm wearing Mugler" and takes his jacket off and shows the label I was kinda gagged and it came out of nowhere. 

    Once it hit 3am and dancing got tiresome and cool people started leaving me and sunglasses did the same and got a cab back to my place since he lived nearby and made plans for dinner the next day. He definitely had the right checklist for me, he was well dressed and well read so I was more than excited for dinner the next day...

    I'm gonna leave it off here, this fashion week may not have been as successful as the last walking wise, but I made some beautiful connections and got photographed so much more than the last and finally landed a spot on Getty images after all these years of socialiting. On top of that I made a lot more connections musically and in the art world with likeminded people who wanna work with me. I think I did the best I could with the cards I was dealt of my great grandma dying and my toe being bloody and unable to go into a heel during peak fashion week. 

    Next Post will cover the Chanel Beauty Atelier in Soho, my first and second date with Mr. Sunglasses with whom I am totally falling for, reconnecting with my mom, & most important of all SEEING MADONNA!!!! Once again so sorry this blog was late but the depression has been all too real lately. This post's attached demo is "Box of Chocolates" a very fitting song for my Valentines Day experience. I really like this song and hope you guys do to!