(AUDIO COMING EVENTUALLY)
First of all yes, I know this post is so late it's practically prehistoric but if punctuality was my thing I'd be a meter maid not a pseudo rockstar/socialite/model with a propensity for second hand designer clothing and THC... but I promise next post will come wayyy quicker. Also let's be real this blog isn't exactly taking off like wild fire so who am I trying to impress by being timely, this is pretty much just my virtual diary at this point and instead of being kept in my notes app on my iPhone 13 mini (apple plz make another mini iPhone so I can upgrade) it's available for the internet and forever cemented online which I love. I have lost so many memories by failed phone backups or running out of space and panic deleting. So this is the best option to turn towards, and if someone enjoys reading it then hey... Two birds one blog stone. I literally have maybe 12 photos from me age 8-14 because I had a different iCloud and forgot the password and could never get it recovered and ever since then I try to store my photos in multiple places and mediums just in case.
I HAVE A HELLO KITTY HIGHSCHOOL SCRAPBOOK & IT'S MY EVERYTHING
Now where did I leave off? Oh yeah Mr.Sunglasses from Susanne Bartsch's Soho Grand party. He walked me home after the party and while we were walking back to my hotel he asks if he can take me out to a good greek restaurant nearby tomorrow at 7 and I jumped on it because why not. He was courteous, well educated, generous, attractive, and totally my type. The next day I woke up hungover but pulled myself together enough to get ready for dinner with him. I threw on my black La Perla slip, Chanel satin clutch, & mahogany mink and met him on the steps outside my place and we walked a few streets over till we made it to the small restaurant. We actually ended up having a very similar taste in food which isn't shocking since it seemed so far we had the same taste in just about everything. We got octopus, greek salad, & turbot and it was heaven. NYC has the best restaurants in America and this one held up that reputation. I will say though Mexican food in NYC is always... Lack lustre.
Once we finished our gorge meal and drinks he ran into a friend and we said hello for a bit before heading back to his nearby apartment to listen to some music and look at his books we were discussing over dinner. When we got back to his apartment he popped open a bottle of Moet and we started flipping through different fashion photography books while listening to John Giorno poetry and talking intermittently and it was heaven on earth. I finally felt like I found a guy who intellectually stimulated me, he knew the right people, read the right books, and saw the right movies. He taught me so many things in that night alone that opened my mind, which I guess isn't shocking because if you knew Vivienne Westwood & Candy Darling you must have a little something going on upstairs. I obviously ended up staying the night because it was a picture perfect date that I didn't want to end and the next morning he walked me back to my hotel after making coffee and talking for a few hours as well as giving me a book of his poetry and two original boudoir photographs he shot in the 90s.
"medals and gold for the decadent bitches" - Mr.Sunglasses
After getting back to my hotel room I worked on my blog for a bit but then soon started texting Mr.Sunglasses and we planned a date for the next day at a French restaurant nearby. I really couldn't think about much other than the date and was excited to see what was to come. Once the time of said date arrived I stepped out of my hotel and into his arms and we walked through the cold city night to the French restaurant. We got escargot as an appetizer and I've had it before and it was okay but this place's escargot hit different but it was also practically drowned in butter which makes everything better. He ordered rabbit and I got Coq au Vin and once again had a beautiful intimate dinner talking about art, life stories, and future endeavors. Just when you thought the night couldn't get any better we go back to his apartment spark up a joint, drink some champagne, and watch the new episode of Ryan Murphy's Feud. Waking up the next morning I felt kinda sick and so did Mr.Sunglasses, I don't know if perhaps the snails were off but we both felt not so great and especially him so unfortunately he couldn't walk me home and I just wanted to get home so I wasn't blowing up his bathroom with whatever kind of trench warfare was going on in my intestines.
As I approached my hotel right before ascending the steps to the lobby a platinum blonde with hair tucked into a silk scarf with red lipstick, blue jeans, green t-shirt, and grocery tote descends from my hotel and it is none other than Amanda Lepore on her way to pickup some groceries. It was such a humanizing out of the blue moment, I only ever knew Amanda drenched in Swarovski like when I ran into her the first time but seeing her in casual attire walking with her reusable tote was so cool. It really puts into perspective how real some of these gay icons we worship are, for so long I lived in a fiscally deluded world of postmating everything from the hottest restaurants and not being caught dead at a grocery store when in all actuality the people I admire most don't even do things like that. Living in Beverly Hills and We-Ho made me pick up a few financially irresponsible habits but I'm trying to work on it and I think the universe showed me Amanda in that moment for a reason. We're all just real people at the end of the day not lightning rods of chicness 24/7.
Once I was done reading way too deep into Amanda Lepore literally just getting groceries I touched up my walk of shame makeup and made my way over to the Chanel Beauty Atelier to meetup with my friend Daecian for the fragrance experience. So the fragrance experience is basically blindly experiencing the whole Chanel fragrance range so you're not picking on pre conceived likes, gender marketing, or any other reason other than just the scent. I really loved the experience and not just because of the champagne (actually the champagne was awful tbh) it was great because it opened my eyes to what I truly like aromatically. I always have loved stronger vintage musky perfumes so unsurprisingly on a first go around I picked some of my favorites like No. 19 and No. 5 but after weeding through and picking 3 options I knew I had never tried but absolutely adored I found out 2 of the 3 were masculine fragrances with the outlier being a les exclusifs. I occasionally wear some male marketed fragrances (Gucci Guilty, Margiela Jazz Club, etc.) but now I kinda wanna delve into that realm even more. Daecian ended up picking the most expensive perfumes without even knowing so his taste kinda ate me up.
MY 3 CHANEL ATELIER FRAGRANCE EXPERIENCE PICKS
1. Allure Sport eau Extreme (shocked me)
2. Platinum Egoiste (might actually get a bottle for layering)
3. Boi Des Iiles (expected)
After a few hours at the beauty atelier Daecian had to head to work so we parted ways and I walked to the nearby Ladureé. While I was chowing down on my caesar salad, ispahan, & champagne I got a message from my friend Max who I had met at an art gallery opening on the upper east side where his families collection of Hans Bellmer works were on display and he later gave me the tour of their private collection in their UES home which unfortunately was in a massive fire only a few weeks after I had seen it. He messaged me regarding some relationship issues and asked if I wanted to hangout and not only do I enjoy Max's company but life had been beating him down lately and I always try to help how I can y'know. So once he made it to Ladureé we talked over coffee and then headed to the temporary place the insurance was paying for while his families UES place was getting repaired.
While on the way we stopped and watched the sun set on the Hudson and it was one of those time capsule moments you wish you could just relive. The beautiful colors of the sky and the reflection of the sky scrapers on the near black disease ridden water it was that glamour grit I am always inevitably chasing personified in a perfect NYC sunset. After the colors of the sky had faded we walked into the long stay hotel the insurance set him and his family up at and he made me a few cocktails while we talked about life, upcoming art exhibitions, and the eternal pursuit of love and the inevitable disappointment we both seem to face over and over. It's the same reason I wrote the song "Same Story Different Man" even though the exterior might differ and maybe even a different personality but the story always ends the same.
Once we had each complained enough for our satisfaction (I love to complain and love friends who like to complain as well) I got a phone call from Daecian telling me he was off work so I said my goodbye's to Max who didn't feel much like going out drinking since he was still somewhat in his feels. While speed walking to my hotel I stopped by my favorite hot dog cart in union square and met up with Daecian and headed to the Hotel Chelsea for a final drink in NYC before I headed home. We had a nice time except for the bitchy waiter and it's funny how the universe works because on our way out Daecian accidentally knocked over a glass and while embarrassing we weren't the ones having to pick up the pieces, it was the bitchy waiter and boy was the satisfaction of seeing his pompous self have to kneel down and pickup shards of glass in his tacky fat tie clad suit absolutely exhilarating. I don't believe in karma but sometimes the universe just gives me satisfaction in between the constant wrenches it throws in my plans.
Daecian and I said our goodbyes and I booked it back to my hotel to pack and somehow managed to make it on my 5am flight on time. I slept the entire way home due to drinking 4 glasses of champagne at the Chanel atelier, a glass of champagne at Ladureé, 3 strong cocktails at Max's, & a glass of red wine at the Hotel Chelsea. I'm not even that big of a drinker either so it was hitting me but thankfully not enough for me to miss my flight. When I landed and grabbed my bags and managed to get in my Uber I got a phone call from the Beverly Hills courts and thankfully the sentence was upheld for the robber who assaulted and attempted to mug me and his appeal was dismissed so I didn't have to appear in court and dredge up that drama. I still remember the first time I saw the photos they had taken of my injuries a few months after the incident and it made me spiral again into my agoraphobia. I couldn't imagine having to sit on the stand across from that man, have to look at those photos of my injuries in front of an entire court room, and tell my story in grueling detail including what happened afterwards with the security camera footage being used as an advertisement for a lawyers office without my permission. That whole situation start to finish makes me sick to my stomach and scared of the world, when I was getting my flesh torn into by a stranger no one helped me and I just remember seeing cars pass by and people standing watching but not even doing a thing. It really made me lose so much faith in the help of my fellow man...
I was in a good mood after knowing I wouldn't have to relive my trauma in the court of Beverly Hills so after unpacking me, my grandpa, and great step ex uncle Bryce went out for Red Lobster which always reminds me of my childhood and good memories. When I was in elementary school my grandma was the principal of the school I went to and her lunch break aligned with the lunch of students so once a week she'd pull me out of lunch and we'd get Red Lobster and race back in time to get me into class after lunch and also her last birthday we celebrated before her passing was there. While I was in NYC I walked countless times past the Red Lobster in Times Square and couldn't help but relive those memories so I knew once I was back in Arizona that was where I wanted to go. After an amazing meal filled with nostalgia we went back home and I got a text from a consignment store I've been selling clothes with since highschool and they notify me that if I don't pickup my Moschino couture skirt it will be donated to Dress for Success since it hasn't sold and look I'm all for charity but this skirt is bright red with two oversized black lacquer buttons the size of paper plates. Unless this disenfranchised woman is dressing for an interview to be the next Minnie Mouse there's no use for the skirt at that charity and also it's an amazing piece I can't just let go of for free. So I arranged to have the skirt and a Fendi baguette that hadn't sold be shipped to the Scottsdale location for me to pickup.
Waking up the next day the world seemed dull, I had been trying to quit smoking weed but I could just tell I needed it. I felt like there was nothing worth living for and got way to cerebral and in the deepest depths of my head which is never a great place to go. So I walked to the local dispo which sounds simple but in Phoenix walking is like a death sentence in such a car centric city. After finally making it to the dispensary I found out it was cash only... So I had to walk all the way to the bank then the dispo then home and was exhausted and annoyed with myself that I utilized that much energy towards something I had been trying to quit. However I've kinda at this point come to the conclusion that weed to me is my holistic anti-depressant. I have a healthy fear of pills and especially side effects so I've never been one who's quick to hop on the Zoloft bandwagon and weed for me does the same exact thing without any drastic side effects. I'm not saying weed is gonna be a forever thing for me but I just know for where I am at mentally at the moment it's just something I need to keep going and am comfortable with that. I only fear of a time where I'll be traveling somewhere where weed is illegal and hard to come by as I'd love to see many places where it isn't allowed so I gotta figure something out eventually... maybe therapy.
After taking a hit of the weed, drying my tears, and working on some music with Lamb I was back in my regular spirit and agreed to hangout with my friend Stormy on Tuesday and take some pictures and get tacos with her and Lilli (member of the band Slouch Pit). Once it came time we all met up and went with Stormy to her place as she got ready, once we were all glam we got our taco's at Filibertos (best Mexican drive thru ever and only in AZ) and then afterwards took some photos nearby my neighborhood in evening gowns. I rewore the dress I got for the Homeless Not Toothless Gala which was shown on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since I hadn't worn it since that night and I surprisingly loved the pictures.
I got a text from my mom asking if I still wanted to go see Madonna with her, we hadn't been speaking since our huge argument covered in blog post #1 which led to me icing out her whole side of the family for awhile. I looked at the text for a minute and just had to be the bigger person and know that although I wasn't going to get an apology I desired it just isn't worth holding a grudge over. So I replied back yes and that I already had finished making her the jacket from the iconic Madonna film "Desperately Seeking Susan" for her to wear to the concert. I always knew that Madonna concert was going to bring me and my mom back together, if there is one thing we both will always agree on it is that Madonna is everything. A few hours later I got a call from my mom asking if I could help her find a good long term care facility for my great aunt who's getting out of the hospital and she knows I know nothing about longterm care facilities but I could tell she really just didn't want to tour these places alone. It's morbid having to pick an old folks home for someone so integral in your life who is getting closer to eventually passing on. When my mom had her issues with substance abuse and her parents kicked her out it was always my great aunt that helped her pickup the pieces but now my mom was having to pickup the pieces for my great aunt as the circle of life only keeps turning. I of course said yes and went with her to tour a few places and then afterwards got us lunch at Wildflower. My mom's side of the family is always easy to reconnect with because once we recollect we just act as if the fight never happened and move on which while probably not being the best way is at least a way that works well enough.
Lately I have been super into SpaceHey that myspace dupe that popped up during COVID but I never really used it until I saw a few people mentioning Caviar Noir on there and it kinda makes sense. People who listen to my music are the exact type to love SpaceHey so it's kind of a perfect storm. It also gives another place to read my blog posts and a more public place for them to live. Once I was done coding the most gorgeous profile based off my Getty Images kiss print dress picture which unfortunately got taken down from the site (like literally every photo on Getty from that fashion show is gone) I started laying out my Madonna look for the next day.
ADD ME ON SPACEHEY
The day had finally arrived, an injection of MDNA through the audio visual presentation that is the Celebration tour presented by the icon of all icons Madonna. Growing up I didn't go to church every Sunday but best believe every morning my mom pulled out one of her many Madonna CD's and I'd wake up to her getting ready for the day to the sound of Madge. When I was younger I always appreciated Madonna but I don't think it was until I was an adult I realized just how layered of an artist she is and how much she inspires every aspect of my life unlike any other. It had been over a year since my mom and I had secured these Iconic VIP tickets and today it would come to fruition. I got ready and used some Venus D Lite techniques in my makeup to try to give more Madonna in the face and afterwards snatched my hair into that (do I dare say it again) ICONIC high ponytail and slipped on my what Katie did bullet bra and garter belt on top of my black silk Chanel suit from Spring 2002 and to top it off the Chanel beauty charm I got in January clasped on a gold monocle necklace I got at Joann's while getting fabric for my mom's jacket.
Later My mom picked me up and we headed to downtown Phoenix and on the way grabbed some coffee, because if you know Madonna you know she is gonna start late late. Once we had found parking and walked into the arena we got our passes, vip gift bags, and headed to the pre-sale merchandise since we got first pick with our ticket. Unfortunately the motherfucker tank top from Drowned World was out of stock so I went with the Jean Paul Gaultier x Madonna x Malawi cone bra t-shirt and absolutely love it and the profits go for a good cause so hey win win. Afterwards we made our way up to the VIP lounge and got some drinks, food, and candy and socialized a bit in between taking pictures. Eventually it was time to make our way down to the pit for the concert and since we had Danceteria wrist bands we were legit FRONT ROW it was perfection.
The show starts with Bob the Drag Queen (anyone who knows me knows I am a drag race super fan so I was already up fr) and he takes on the Vogue announcer role and did an amazing job and had multiple appearances throughout the show but when Madonna walked on stage the vibe was immaculate no pun intended. She almost immediately walked right over to my section and did Burning Up on the guitar and looked me in the eyes twice and then took her water and doused our section. It was so strange when I had those few moments throughout the show where I felt that connection of her eyes meeting mine it was that same feeling I get when I meet someone who is like a mirror of myself in an aspect. That same hunger for glamour but dichotomized by an internal sorrow that you can always just feel. Maybe I'm reading to deep into it but I got a similar feeling when Britney Spears looked me in the eyes when I was 13 but with Madonna it was even stronger.
Celebration is supposed to take you through every iteration of her career and it did but I will say it was incredibly Erotica heavy which I didn't mind since as per late that album and specifically Bad Girl have been on repeat so when she crawled on top of that piano and sang Bad Girl I couldn't help but cry. That song speaks to me and while I was in NYC I played it on repeat (probably much to the chagrin of my neighbors) I'd love to cover that song eventually but a certain artist who I'm trying to distance myself from due to their toxic fan base also covered it and I just don't want to get into that mess all over again after finally getting out and carving my own lane with "I'm Yours" and Caviar Noir in general.
Madonna ended the show with "Take a Bow" one of her most beautiful songs and her lower register on this tour is spectacular. She did a lot of songs down the octave but I love when Madonna hits deep notes so I didn't mind especially since she was clearly singing live every song except for "Miles Away" which was very obviously pitched up compared to her live voice and also her son was on stage allegedly playing the guitar but the benefits of front row is you also clock the stunts like how her son was air strumming an inch away from the actual chords... I also noticed she was really nervous stepping down from the piano after "Bad Girl" since the small black steps blended with the stage and piano but she played it off well. I love seeing those little moments that are so few and far between in her perfect illusion (not me making a Lady Gaga pun about Madonna). Overall the concert was everything I had hoped it would be and more and it brought me and my mom back together in a way nothing I think could have so I just gotta say thank you Madonna.
Once again sorry for such a late post but you get what you get and you don't throw a fit, I think Benito Mussolini said that... It was him or my 5th grade teacher that we all called Mrs.Spoonfucker either way both bitches were on a major power trip. From finding love in NYC to Madonna saving my relationship with my mother I guess this month was just another chaotic one like many others and many more to come. If you are a religious reader of the blog thank you, I know I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I know there's at least a few fabulous yet flawed individuals out there like myself who really get me and appreciate the window into my world. Just like Madonna stepping off that piano not everything I do is seamless but I think it's that same vulnerability that separates what I do from so many others, but who knows maybe I just drank the Kool-Aid. Next post should be super soon since I just finished LAFW and have some downtime.
ttyl xoxo,
Alois Tyler Rollins IV
(P.S. This posts attached demo is a rough draft for a song called "Sleep the Week Away" which captures how I've felt a lot throughout my life, when times get tough I just sleep and try to hibernate until things are good again but more often than not just ends up causing even more issues)
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